Being Alone is Necessary
Ever since I can remember my life has revolved around other people, whether it's friends, family, or boyfriends I was always so deep into their lives and not realizing what was going on in my own life. But one day I started noticing that I had no friends, my family was still around but doing their own things, and I wasn't in a relationship, I was alone.
At first when the loneliness sank in I didn't know what to do with myself or my time so I stayed home and would binge watch tv shows which was fine until I realized being home all the time was starting to take a toll on my mental health, I was becoming depressed and I spent most of my time sleeping. I had a repeat cycle that became so sickening I'd sleep, eat, watch tv, and go to work thats all I did for months! One day when I was feeling my lowest I realized the problem was I wasn't doing things I wanted to or liked so I sat down and made a list of things to do, places to visit, and foods to try. I'd say I crossed the majority of those things off my list that year and for the first time in a while I was enjoying my life.
At first I had a lot of anxiety about doing things all by myself because for some odd reason I was worried about what other people would think if they saw me just doing my own thing and I didn't want people to think I was weird and I honestly didn't want to be approached by strangers either. I pushed past that feeling though and in return I've become a more independent person. I don't need someone to go out to eat with me, I'll eat by myself (I'm not talking fast food either) I'll go down to a restaurant and order a crap ton of food and just pig out by myself. Sometimes I think the servers think I'm lonely or feel bad for me because they'll consistently check up on me at least more then they would if I was eating with someone but I don't mind at least they're keeping the refills coming.
One of my favorite things to do by myself is go to the movies because for some reason every time I bring someone they end up talking for the majority of the movie and I miss like half of it. I'm someone who thoroughly enjoys movies so it's a little aggravating when I can't give all my attention to it. It's also very freeing being able to stretch out onto three seats and just chill in an empty theater all by yourself. I highly recommend going to a theater in the middle of the week because nobody is ever there.
Being alone also taught me to work on aspects of my life that were necessary like how to take care of my mental health by not pushing myself over my limits and overcoming some serious addictions, paying more attention to my wants and needs, and how to have healthy relationships with friends and significant others.
My mental health was something that seriously needed work because I was so dependent on others for my happiness so when I found myself alone with absolutely no one I didn't know how to handle it and I started getting addicted to things or becoming more of an addict to things I was already addicted to. I was spending too much money, smoking probably about 3 packs of cigarettes a week, and drinking like a fish; these were becoming problematic things in my life very quickly. The drinking was nightly and I'd drink so much by myself that I'd be sick and hungover the next day resulting in several callouts, the smoking made me feel like shit especially because I have allergies and cigarettes are no help when trying to clear out a stuffy nose, the constant spending resulted in a lack of money which would've been well spent on other more important things. But I was able to learn from those addictions; I stopped drinking a lot and now I barely drink and if I do I'll have one glass of wine, cigarettes I have an on and off again relationship with but mostly off if I do crave one I'll buy a pack smoke a few and throw the rest away because I end up remembering how awful they actually make me feel, and as for the spending I've cut back a lot and I try to spend money on mostly food or things that I need.
Alone time has helped me to learn how to take care of myself on my best and worst days. The days I feel down are the days that I need to focus on myself and take care of me. Usually on my down days I spend time at home and I have little spa days. I'll shower, do face masks, paint my nails, do my hair and makeup; I try to make my outside look its best so I can feel good about myself. I also like to eat healthier meals and drink a lot of water on those days because I feel like it boosts my energy. The last thing I do is I lounge around and catch up on my favorite tv shows or watch a couple of movies. When I'm not feeling my best I don't really like leaving the house I know a lot of people say going out and socializing is the best thing to do when you're feeling low but for me it's the opposite when I have to have forced interaction when I'd rather be at home relaxing it increases my bad mood. So if you're like me I'd recommend staying home on your bad days.
Having all this time alone gave me time to me reflect on my relationships, I didn't understand where a lot of them went wrong or why I always felt like I wasn't good enough for that person. Truthfully my relationships were very inconsistent I'd expect 110% out of my partner but not put in any effort in return. I did childish things I wouldn't text them unless they texted me first, I ignored them if I didn't want to talk, I didn't communicate my feelings, and I would get jealous if they didn't invite me to hangout with them and their friends or go to parties with them. I put up a front with pretty much everyone I dated, for some reason I felt I had to adapt to their lifestyles and the way they acted and I ended up becoming such a horrible person, I was so lost and I had no idea who I was anymore. In 2016 I was single for the entire year which was a new thing for me because I was always going from one relationship to the next. I would hook up with people here and there but I was pretty much on my own and doing my own thing learning about myself and what I value. I took that alone time to figure out what I should be putting into a relationship and what I expect from my future partners to be putting in as well.
I also took the time to evaluate my friendships to see who just used me for things like food, money, rides, etc. and I looked at the people who were always there for me in a time of need. The people who used me outweighed the actual friends I had and I ended up cutting ties with pretty much everyone. It sadden me that even the friends I had since I was five years old ended up becoming the most toxic people in my life, the people I thought would be there for me through thick and thin left me hanging and talked bad about me when I wasn't around. It hurt to hear those things, it hurt to find out I was being used, it hurt knowing things I shared privately were being shared without my permission. I stopped talking to people and I felt as if I couldn't trust anyone but myself and at times I was so lonely but I didn't want anyone in my life if they were just going to turn on me. 2017 sucked in a lot of ways but it was the year I started letting people back in and I've actually realized being without friends for so long was damaging to me, I needed people and I found some really good friends. I've been at my job for 5 years now and people come and go all the time but a few of my coworkers that have been there for a while started to talk to me and I started gaining new friends. I talk to them on a daily basis and we hype each other up, talk to each other about our problems, and laugh 99% of the time and I couldn't imagine going a day without these people in my life. These are the true friends I always needed and I'm glad I started letting people back in. I needed to be alone in order to realize what a true friendship should consist of and because of that I found some great people to be around.
I know spending time alone doesn't sound appealing because loneliness can be depressing but if you utilize your alone time in a good way like I did you'll discover so many things about yourself and the world around you. Being alone doesn't have to be depressing and you're not lame if you take yourself out on dates, sometimes you gotta treat yourself. You can either work on your body, mind, or soul or just lounge around and rest up it's up to you how you spend that time but I think it's necessary to be alone, at least for a little while.
At first when the loneliness sank in I didn't know what to do with myself or my time so I stayed home and would binge watch tv shows which was fine until I realized being home all the time was starting to take a toll on my mental health, I was becoming depressed and I spent most of my time sleeping. I had a repeat cycle that became so sickening I'd sleep, eat, watch tv, and go to work thats all I did for months! One day when I was feeling my lowest I realized the problem was I wasn't doing things I wanted to or liked so I sat down and made a list of things to do, places to visit, and foods to try. I'd say I crossed the majority of those things off my list that year and for the first time in a while I was enjoying my life.
At first I had a lot of anxiety about doing things all by myself because for some odd reason I was worried about what other people would think if they saw me just doing my own thing and I didn't want people to think I was weird and I honestly didn't want to be approached by strangers either. I pushed past that feeling though and in return I've become a more independent person. I don't need someone to go out to eat with me, I'll eat by myself (I'm not talking fast food either) I'll go down to a restaurant and order a crap ton of food and just pig out by myself. Sometimes I think the servers think I'm lonely or feel bad for me because they'll consistently check up on me at least more then they would if I was eating with someone but I don't mind at least they're keeping the refills coming.
One of my favorite things to do by myself is go to the movies because for some reason every time I bring someone they end up talking for the majority of the movie and I miss like half of it. I'm someone who thoroughly enjoys movies so it's a little aggravating when I can't give all my attention to it. It's also very freeing being able to stretch out onto three seats and just chill in an empty theater all by yourself. I highly recommend going to a theater in the middle of the week because nobody is ever there.
Being alone also taught me to work on aspects of my life that were necessary like how to take care of my mental health by not pushing myself over my limits and overcoming some serious addictions, paying more attention to my wants and needs, and how to have healthy relationships with friends and significant others.
My mental health was something that seriously needed work because I was so dependent on others for my happiness so when I found myself alone with absolutely no one I didn't know how to handle it and I started getting addicted to things or becoming more of an addict to things I was already addicted to. I was spending too much money, smoking probably about 3 packs of cigarettes a week, and drinking like a fish; these were becoming problematic things in my life very quickly. The drinking was nightly and I'd drink so much by myself that I'd be sick and hungover the next day resulting in several callouts, the smoking made me feel like shit especially because I have allergies and cigarettes are no help when trying to clear out a stuffy nose, the constant spending resulted in a lack of money which would've been well spent on other more important things. But I was able to learn from those addictions; I stopped drinking a lot and now I barely drink and if I do I'll have one glass of wine, cigarettes I have an on and off again relationship with but mostly off if I do crave one I'll buy a pack smoke a few and throw the rest away because I end up remembering how awful they actually make me feel, and as for the spending I've cut back a lot and I try to spend money on mostly food or things that I need.
Alone time has helped me to learn how to take care of myself on my best and worst days. The days I feel down are the days that I need to focus on myself and take care of me. Usually on my down days I spend time at home and I have little spa days. I'll shower, do face masks, paint my nails, do my hair and makeup; I try to make my outside look its best so I can feel good about myself. I also like to eat healthier meals and drink a lot of water on those days because I feel like it boosts my energy. The last thing I do is I lounge around and catch up on my favorite tv shows or watch a couple of movies. When I'm not feeling my best I don't really like leaving the house I know a lot of people say going out and socializing is the best thing to do when you're feeling low but for me it's the opposite when I have to have forced interaction when I'd rather be at home relaxing it increases my bad mood. So if you're like me I'd recommend staying home on your bad days.
Having all this time alone gave me time to me reflect on my relationships, I didn't understand where a lot of them went wrong or why I always felt like I wasn't good enough for that person. Truthfully my relationships were very inconsistent I'd expect 110% out of my partner but not put in any effort in return. I did childish things I wouldn't text them unless they texted me first, I ignored them if I didn't want to talk, I didn't communicate my feelings, and I would get jealous if they didn't invite me to hangout with them and their friends or go to parties with them. I put up a front with pretty much everyone I dated, for some reason I felt I had to adapt to their lifestyles and the way they acted and I ended up becoming such a horrible person, I was so lost and I had no idea who I was anymore. In 2016 I was single for the entire year which was a new thing for me because I was always going from one relationship to the next. I would hook up with people here and there but I was pretty much on my own and doing my own thing learning about myself and what I value. I took that alone time to figure out what I should be putting into a relationship and what I expect from my future partners to be putting in as well.
I also took the time to evaluate my friendships to see who just used me for things like food, money, rides, etc. and I looked at the people who were always there for me in a time of need. The people who used me outweighed the actual friends I had and I ended up cutting ties with pretty much everyone. It sadden me that even the friends I had since I was five years old ended up becoming the most toxic people in my life, the people I thought would be there for me through thick and thin left me hanging and talked bad about me when I wasn't around. It hurt to hear those things, it hurt to find out I was being used, it hurt knowing things I shared privately were being shared without my permission. I stopped talking to people and I felt as if I couldn't trust anyone but myself and at times I was so lonely but I didn't want anyone in my life if they were just going to turn on me. 2017 sucked in a lot of ways but it was the year I started letting people back in and I've actually realized being without friends for so long was damaging to me, I needed people and I found some really good friends. I've been at my job for 5 years now and people come and go all the time but a few of my coworkers that have been there for a while started to talk to me and I started gaining new friends. I talk to them on a daily basis and we hype each other up, talk to each other about our problems, and laugh 99% of the time and I couldn't imagine going a day without these people in my life. These are the true friends I always needed and I'm glad I started letting people back in. I needed to be alone in order to realize what a true friendship should consist of and because of that I found some great people to be around.
I know spending time alone doesn't sound appealing because loneliness can be depressing but if you utilize your alone time in a good way like I did you'll discover so many things about yourself and the world around you. Being alone doesn't have to be depressing and you're not lame if you take yourself out on dates, sometimes you gotta treat yourself. You can either work on your body, mind, or soul or just lounge around and rest up it's up to you how you spend that time but I think it's necessary to be alone, at least for a little while.
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