Body Positivity
Learning to love myself and the way I look has probably been the hardest thing to do. My hair was either the wrong length or color, I was too fat or too skinny, my nose was too pointy, my eyebrows too thin. Every time I looked into the mirror I saw something wrong with myself and I couldn't just accept the way I looked. My self-esteem is something I've been battling with for years and I'm sure many other people battle with it as well.
I think a few of my issues stem from my childhood, I don't blame my brothers for picking on me its what siblings do but it got to the point where my father literally had to sit down and have a conversation with my brothers telling them to stop calling me fat because I wasn't eating, I was about ten years old when that happened. Was I actually fat? No, In fact I was tiny kind of like I've always been. Don't hold this as factual because I haven't been diagnosed with body dysmorphia but I believe I have it to an extent, especially when it comes to my weight. For some reason I always think I'm fat or chubby which there isn't anything wrong with that but I personally prefer to be slim and every time someone compliments me and says I'm tiny I literally laugh and say have you seen my stomach. In reality I don't have much to me, just because my stomach isn't as flat or toned like how I want it to be doesn't mean I'm overweight and I have to remind myself that almost daily.
Clearly my brothers never meant to make me feel bad about myself they intended to be funny and as I've gotten older I've developed thicker skin so I know when they're joking around but when it comes to guys I sleep with or date I know for a fact they're not kidding when they say they wished I looked more like so and so, or they liked my hair when it was longer or when it was blonder. I've also had guys tell me I should change or get things done just for them like cut my hair a certain way or dye it a different color, get piercings in places that I'm not comfortable getting pierced, I've been told to dress more girly or ladylike, I've even been told to lose weight when I weighed 97lbs.. Being told I would look prettier or sexier if I did these things made me want to do them just so that I'd be deemed as more attractive to the assholes I was sleeping with. It took a while for me to realize those types of comments were toxic and damaging to my self-esteem, a few times I even changed myself for the guy I was with and I always ended up unhappy and felt less like myself. Two weeks ago when a guy I was sleeping with told me he liked my hair better before I dyed it black and he thinks I'd look hot with my nipples pierced I realized he was wrong and I was actually happy with how I looked and I felt more beautiful then I had in a long time. His opinion was so invalid to me that I brushed it off my shoulders like it was nothing and laughed a little when those comments came out of his mouth, since then I haven't contacted him because I don't need someone in my life if they're going to tell me I should change for them. If someone can't accept you as you are they are not worth a single second of your time!
Something else that lowered my confidence is social media. I'm not gonna lie scrolling through my instagram feed seeing all my beautiful friends or random gorgeous models made me feel so inferior, I felt like I couldn't compare to any of them. I became so insecure that I wouldn't leave the house without doing my hair and makeup even when I was home all day I still felt the need to look presentable. It was driving me insane that I didn't look like these girls and at one point I even considered getting plastic surgery to look more like these women (thankfully I never did) I felt so brainwashed and I think when you spend most of your life on social media you sort of strive to have the life or style of another individual. Eventually I noticed that I was unique I had a different style then other girls. I see so many girls that have similar hairstyles and follow the latest fashion trends and copy other people which is fine no style is really unique and you can do whatever makes you feel good but I saw that I sort of stood out. I find hairstyles that aren't the trendiest and I go with them, I pick out articles of clothing that have unique styles and stand out, I play around with makeup and do what feels comfortable to me. I choose things that I like and I don't follow a set fashion trend I bounce around all over and I've seen more recently that I get applauded for my individuality more then when I use to try and be like every other girl. So if your confidence is low I suggest buying clothing that you like instead of what's trending, cutting or dying your hair however you prefer, and wearing as much makeup as you want or no makeup at all. Do what makes you happy and I promise you'll start to look at yourself in a different light.
I still have my days where I don't feel like I look my best or I feel like I could lose a few pounds but I think having a day like that every once in a while is normal, besides the days where I feel good about myself are way more frequent now and because of that I'm a much happier person. It took years to figure out how to love myself and not listen to the opinions of others but once I figured out how I like to present myself and what makes me feel my best, my self-esteem skyrocketed and I only hope my journey and struggles can inspire and help you all in some way. Please just love yourselves and the way you look because we're all beautiful individuals no matter what.
I think a few of my issues stem from my childhood, I don't blame my brothers for picking on me its what siblings do but it got to the point where my father literally had to sit down and have a conversation with my brothers telling them to stop calling me fat because I wasn't eating, I was about ten years old when that happened. Was I actually fat? No, In fact I was tiny kind of like I've always been. Don't hold this as factual because I haven't been diagnosed with body dysmorphia but I believe I have it to an extent, especially when it comes to my weight. For some reason I always think I'm fat or chubby which there isn't anything wrong with that but I personally prefer to be slim and every time someone compliments me and says I'm tiny I literally laugh and say have you seen my stomach. In reality I don't have much to me, just because my stomach isn't as flat or toned like how I want it to be doesn't mean I'm overweight and I have to remind myself that almost daily.
Clearly my brothers never meant to make me feel bad about myself they intended to be funny and as I've gotten older I've developed thicker skin so I know when they're joking around but when it comes to guys I sleep with or date I know for a fact they're not kidding when they say they wished I looked more like so and so, or they liked my hair when it was longer or when it was blonder. I've also had guys tell me I should change or get things done just for them like cut my hair a certain way or dye it a different color, get piercings in places that I'm not comfortable getting pierced, I've been told to dress more girly or ladylike, I've even been told to lose weight when I weighed 97lbs.. Being told I would look prettier or sexier if I did these things made me want to do them just so that I'd be deemed as more attractive to the assholes I was sleeping with. It took a while for me to realize those types of comments were toxic and damaging to my self-esteem, a few times I even changed myself for the guy I was with and I always ended up unhappy and felt less like myself. Two weeks ago when a guy I was sleeping with told me he liked my hair better before I dyed it black and he thinks I'd look hot with my nipples pierced I realized he was wrong and I was actually happy with how I looked and I felt more beautiful then I had in a long time. His opinion was so invalid to me that I brushed it off my shoulders like it was nothing and laughed a little when those comments came out of his mouth, since then I haven't contacted him because I don't need someone in my life if they're going to tell me I should change for them. If someone can't accept you as you are they are not worth a single second of your time!
Something else that lowered my confidence is social media. I'm not gonna lie scrolling through my instagram feed seeing all my beautiful friends or random gorgeous models made me feel so inferior, I felt like I couldn't compare to any of them. I became so insecure that I wouldn't leave the house without doing my hair and makeup even when I was home all day I still felt the need to look presentable. It was driving me insane that I didn't look like these girls and at one point I even considered getting plastic surgery to look more like these women (thankfully I never did) I felt so brainwashed and I think when you spend most of your life on social media you sort of strive to have the life or style of another individual. Eventually I noticed that I was unique I had a different style then other girls. I see so many girls that have similar hairstyles and follow the latest fashion trends and copy other people which is fine no style is really unique and you can do whatever makes you feel good but I saw that I sort of stood out. I find hairstyles that aren't the trendiest and I go with them, I pick out articles of clothing that have unique styles and stand out, I play around with makeup and do what feels comfortable to me. I choose things that I like and I don't follow a set fashion trend I bounce around all over and I've seen more recently that I get applauded for my individuality more then when I use to try and be like every other girl. So if your confidence is low I suggest buying clothing that you like instead of what's trending, cutting or dying your hair however you prefer, and wearing as much makeup as you want or no makeup at all. Do what makes you happy and I promise you'll start to look at yourself in a different light.
I still have my days where I don't feel like I look my best or I feel like I could lose a few pounds but I think having a day like that every once in a while is normal, besides the days where I feel good about myself are way more frequent now and because of that I'm a much happier person. It took years to figure out how to love myself and not listen to the opinions of others but once I figured out how I like to present myself and what makes me feel my best, my self-esteem skyrocketed and I only hope my journey and struggles can inspire and help you all in some way. Please just love yourselves and the way you look because we're all beautiful individuals no matter what.
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