Dealing With Insecurities
Ever since I can remember I've been insecure or embarrassed by many things. Growing up I felt like everyones eyes were on me, I thought they were judging every move I made, my appearance, my personality, the list can honestly go on and on. I would get so wrapped up in my thoughts thinking everyone hated me and I eventually shut out a lot of people and only kept a few people close. When I started dating the insecurities only got worse I was nervous I sucked at kissing or sex, I never thought I was good enough, I was always suspicions that I wasn't the only girl or the guy I was seeing didn't like me but was using me for sex, I thought I was annoying so I just stopped hanging out with some people, again the list can go on and on. I've learned how to deal with and just say fuck it to most of these insecurities but I still struggle with a few.
Learning to say fuck it to the insecurities about your appearance and personality is the easiest. You're going to find people who like you for you, whether you're blunt and obnoxious or shy and timid or somewhere in between there will always be people that are attracted to your personality. In high school I thought I was hated by many of my peers so I adapted to their personalties and acted differently. I thought if I was more like them they'd want to be around me but I actually lost some really good friends that liked me for who I was, they saw the change and took immediate issue with it which I don't blame them. By the time I finished high school I didn't even recognize myself I was someone else and I couldn't remember who I was, I was a shit-talking, self-absorbed, asshole, I took everything for granted, and thought the world owed me something. Once I finished school I had a lot of time on my hands to reflect and that's when I realized I hated who I had become, I took a year to find myself and pull myself off my high-horse. The person I am today is humble and grateful for everyone and everything in my life, I'm very blunt but in a respectful way, I put everyone before myself and constantly think about everyones feelings, and I try to be as little of an asshole as possible sometimes I can't help it, I've always been a bit of an ass. Once I found myself and accepted that I liked all these parts of me nobody could come into my life and change me, now if someone complains or says they don't like a certain aspect of me I give them the boot because I will never lose myself again and I will not sit there and listen to negative comments about me. The only time I'll listen to someones negative feedback is if it's going to be helpful in making me grow into a better person. Please don't let anyone change you're entire personality because it can take awhile to get it back, that is if you get it back.
Who gives a shit if someone doesn't like your appearance, as long as you're comfortable within your own body and think you look good the opinion of someone else shouldn't matter. When you're a teenager your appearance becomes your life, you wanna look good for Jimmy in biology or Sarah in English but maybe Jimmy doesn't like the color of your hair and thinks you should dye it blonde. Are you gonna do it? Sometimes our weak-minded teenage selves go fourth with changing our appearance to look more pleasing for the person we're interested in, believe me I've done it. Some guys I dated thought I looked better with red hair and some thought I was sexier with blonde, I switched back a fourth quite a bit but I've also bought certain clothing that I didn't quite like but knew it'd get the attention of my crush. As an adult the wanting of attention or looking good for someone is still there but I would never change myself or buy something I wouldn't be comfortable wearing just to please someone else. Usually if I think I look good more than likely my crush or the person I'm dating will think I look good as well because I attract people who find me beautiful I don't go out of my way trying to look good for someone that doesn't think I'm beautiful just the way I am. There will always be Jimmy's in the world they'll never be satisfied with your looks and constantly try to change you into someone else but there are also Sarah's out in the world that think you're beautiful no matter what and they'll never ask you to change yourself. Find a Sarah because Jimmy doesn't deserve you. But don't forget to accept the fact that everyone isn't going to be attracted to you, some people will think you're gorgeous and some people will think you're butt-ugly, that's okay, don't get discouraged if you're not someone's type because I'm sure someone isn't your type either, you just have to find someone that's into you as much as you're into them.
The insecurities I struggle with are mostly relationship based. I overthink a lot and I typically end up thinking about my current relationships or my failed relationships which create all kinds of insecurities. The biggest thing I struggle with is thinking I'm not good enough for my partner, I always think they could do better. They could be with someone that doesn't struggle with alcoholism, or someone that doesn't go in and out of depressive states, or someone with a future plan. When I think they deserve better than me I push them away as far as I can until they decide the relationship isn't worth it or until I get the balls to break it off. I never want to be the reason someone isn't happy with their life, I don't ever want to bring someone down, I don't want to be apart of someone's life if I'm going to be a problem, I have too kind of a heart to bring someone down to my level. Another insecurity I struggle with a lot is thinking I'm overbearing, sometimes I feel like I am too needy or really annoying and I feel like I'm going to scare off my partner. I try to give my partners as much space as they want but sometimes all I wanna do is be with them 24/7 (this is coming from someone that's not clingy and hates clingy people) I don't know what it is but sometimes I just feel like I need to see my person for a week straight and other times I'm cool with seeing them once a week or not at all. I just think that if I show too much emotion or be super needy they'll find it annoying and breakup with me, I know that sounds stupid but it's an actual insecurity I have. I try to deal with my insecurities the best I can by keeping my mind busy so I'll draw, or write a blog post, or I'll go out with family or friends anything to keep my mind away from overthinking. The way I deal with it definitely isn't a solution but it's what works until I find a way to get over these stupid insecurities.
Whatever insecurity you're dealing with just know there is a way to get over it, you just have to find what works for you, whether it's saying, "fuck it," or keeping your mind busy, or just talking about your insecurities out in the open you'll feel so much better once you've dealt with them. There will be a tremendous weight off your shoulders and you'll feel like you're able to conquer the fucking world. Just remember to be yourself, love yourself, relationship insecurities suck ass, also fuck the Jimmy's of the world they're assholes for trying to change people.
Learning to say fuck it to the insecurities about your appearance and personality is the easiest. You're going to find people who like you for you, whether you're blunt and obnoxious or shy and timid or somewhere in between there will always be people that are attracted to your personality. In high school I thought I was hated by many of my peers so I adapted to their personalties and acted differently. I thought if I was more like them they'd want to be around me but I actually lost some really good friends that liked me for who I was, they saw the change and took immediate issue with it which I don't blame them. By the time I finished high school I didn't even recognize myself I was someone else and I couldn't remember who I was, I was a shit-talking, self-absorbed, asshole, I took everything for granted, and thought the world owed me something. Once I finished school I had a lot of time on my hands to reflect and that's when I realized I hated who I had become, I took a year to find myself and pull myself off my high-horse. The person I am today is humble and grateful for everyone and everything in my life, I'm very blunt but in a respectful way, I put everyone before myself and constantly think about everyones feelings, and I try to be as little of an asshole as possible sometimes I can't help it, I've always been a bit of an ass. Once I found myself and accepted that I liked all these parts of me nobody could come into my life and change me, now if someone complains or says they don't like a certain aspect of me I give them the boot because I will never lose myself again and I will not sit there and listen to negative comments about me. The only time I'll listen to someones negative feedback is if it's going to be helpful in making me grow into a better person. Please don't let anyone change you're entire personality because it can take awhile to get it back, that is if you get it back.
Who gives a shit if someone doesn't like your appearance, as long as you're comfortable within your own body and think you look good the opinion of someone else shouldn't matter. When you're a teenager your appearance becomes your life, you wanna look good for Jimmy in biology or Sarah in English but maybe Jimmy doesn't like the color of your hair and thinks you should dye it blonde. Are you gonna do it? Sometimes our weak-minded teenage selves go fourth with changing our appearance to look more pleasing for the person we're interested in, believe me I've done it. Some guys I dated thought I looked better with red hair and some thought I was sexier with blonde, I switched back a fourth quite a bit but I've also bought certain clothing that I didn't quite like but knew it'd get the attention of my crush. As an adult the wanting of attention or looking good for someone is still there but I would never change myself or buy something I wouldn't be comfortable wearing just to please someone else. Usually if I think I look good more than likely my crush or the person I'm dating will think I look good as well because I attract people who find me beautiful I don't go out of my way trying to look good for someone that doesn't think I'm beautiful just the way I am. There will always be Jimmy's in the world they'll never be satisfied with your looks and constantly try to change you into someone else but there are also Sarah's out in the world that think you're beautiful no matter what and they'll never ask you to change yourself. Find a Sarah because Jimmy doesn't deserve you. But don't forget to accept the fact that everyone isn't going to be attracted to you, some people will think you're gorgeous and some people will think you're butt-ugly, that's okay, don't get discouraged if you're not someone's type because I'm sure someone isn't your type either, you just have to find someone that's into you as much as you're into them.
The insecurities I struggle with are mostly relationship based. I overthink a lot and I typically end up thinking about my current relationships or my failed relationships which create all kinds of insecurities. The biggest thing I struggle with is thinking I'm not good enough for my partner, I always think they could do better. They could be with someone that doesn't struggle with alcoholism, or someone that doesn't go in and out of depressive states, or someone with a future plan. When I think they deserve better than me I push them away as far as I can until they decide the relationship isn't worth it or until I get the balls to break it off. I never want to be the reason someone isn't happy with their life, I don't ever want to bring someone down, I don't want to be apart of someone's life if I'm going to be a problem, I have too kind of a heart to bring someone down to my level. Another insecurity I struggle with a lot is thinking I'm overbearing, sometimes I feel like I am too needy or really annoying and I feel like I'm going to scare off my partner. I try to give my partners as much space as they want but sometimes all I wanna do is be with them 24/7 (this is coming from someone that's not clingy and hates clingy people) I don't know what it is but sometimes I just feel like I need to see my person for a week straight and other times I'm cool with seeing them once a week or not at all. I just think that if I show too much emotion or be super needy they'll find it annoying and breakup with me, I know that sounds stupid but it's an actual insecurity I have. I try to deal with my insecurities the best I can by keeping my mind busy so I'll draw, or write a blog post, or I'll go out with family or friends anything to keep my mind away from overthinking. The way I deal with it definitely isn't a solution but it's what works until I find a way to get over these stupid insecurities.
Whatever insecurity you're dealing with just know there is a way to get over it, you just have to find what works for you, whether it's saying, "fuck it," or keeping your mind busy, or just talking about your insecurities out in the open you'll feel so much better once you've dealt with them. There will be a tremendous weight off your shoulders and you'll feel like you're able to conquer the fucking world. Just remember to be yourself, love yourself, relationship insecurities suck ass, also fuck the Jimmy's of the world they're assholes for trying to change people.
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